From a Fathers Perspective

It has been a long time since I last posted. Probably too long. It's kind of hard to post on a blog when there is really nothing new to report. As you can see (read), a lot has changed. It has changed fast, it has changed scary, it has just changed and I don't think I want it to go back. Really, take a hard look at everything that has happened in the last 4-6 weeks of our lives. The emotional toll, the physical, the uneasiness, the highs and lows and everything else. All for a child that so wants a family, she just doesn't realize it yet. And, for a couple in the middle of Wisconsin that so desperately wants children. Hell, one would be enough. Just to experience the joys, the downs, the excitement of a child. A dream that is coming true. Oh, to be a dad. To hear "Daddy". What more is there in life than that. Really, when it comes down to it, does anything else really matter? No, but don't get me wrong. There are a lot of things that do matter and I probably can't put my finger on everyone, but are they really that important as raising a child? I am kind of the salty and crusty kind of guy. I have this hard outer shell that is really tough to get through. Well, that is what I am told. I look at my past and things that have happened to me and the things I have done and it all makes sense. I think this little girl is cracking the shell and we don't even have her in our arms yet. God works in such mysterious ways and I don't have a clue as to what they are. Jennifer and I were given a rare gift last week from our agency. They sent us a link of 5 videos of Lily that were taken on Sept 1. This is just something that doesn't happen that often from what we understand. Talk about heart wrenching. First, let me say this out of love to all, but don't ask to see them. Jennifer and I decided that they will remain with us to view with Lily when the time is appropriate. It is something we feel is best. Don't worry, there will be plenty of video and pictures when we get her. Some we will share, some we won't until Lily has viewed them first when the time is right. God gave us a confirmation that day. It is all coming together now. It has taken almost 4 years but it finally coming together. You look into her eyes and you see the soul, her spirit. There is so much life in those eyes. It will be my responsibility as a father for her to live her life and do what I can for her. To care, to nurture, to teach her, to raise her to love the Lord God. Most fathers don't realize the responsibility but it is one that we have. Of course there is the responsibility of the parents to raise a child together and that is all good and well, but, there is a responsibility of the father for raising a child. Some people may not agree with that, but it is true. I have no clue how to raise a daughter but I think I will be learning everyday. I don't even know how to change a diaper-that is the first day. There is so much life in those eyes. To bring you home. To be able to give you a good life. To be able to help you live your dreams. To give you the necessities of life: food, shelter and clothing. To share our Love with you. See you off on your first day of school, high school, college. Walking you down the aisle for your own wedding. To be able to experience that with you and everything in between. To be there for the down times in your life. We will always be there. We will not be perfect parents. That is impossible. But, we will try to do our best. That is our promise. You will hate us at times, you will love us most of the time, and then there will be those times when..... Just so you know, you have a place that will always be there. That will never change. We hope and pray that Lily will build her life on that same Rock as we have. The Rock of Christ. Having children is one of the greatest gifts God can ever give a couple. It isn't the top, but it is up there. We have experienced the greatest gift and that was the gift of life that was given through the death of Jesus on the cross, the gift of eternal life. That is the best. Now we get to experience some of the other gifts. Soon we will be bringing Lily home. Lord, we completely and fully trust you with everything that is going on. With the fingerprinting, with the travel arrangements, with the financial burdens, everything. You are in control. You have not let us down through this process. Yes, you have been there and everything has worked out for good. We may not have liked it, or not have expected it a certain way, but it has always worked out. Your way has been the best, I see it now more clearly than before when I look into Lily's eyes. I see so much more clearly now. You have put a face, a life, to everything that has been going on for the last 5 years. You have answered our prayers. We see it now, we see it now. Praise you Father, praise you. You are good. Yes, you are good. Thank you for everything your are doing and everything you have done. Protect Lily Father God, keep her in your arms until we can have her in ours. Let her know we are coming soon. We will not quit. We are coming. We will be there soon. Keep her safe Lord. Thank you Lord! All this, from my perspective which is blurred sometimes and then it is crystal clear. The love, the emotion, the sacrifice, the late nights. Whatever it is, it will all be worth it. Oh, to be a dad. A dream, a promise, a journey that is ending and another that is just beginning. To hear, Daddy...........